It’s the most wonderful time of the
year; the sound of carols and bells is in the air, everywhere you look there is
tinsel, garland and lights, and most people feel warm feelings of goodwill and
cheer towards one another. Then there
are holiday feasts with turkeys, hams, potatoes, rolls and many fancy dishes
families reserve for special occasions.
People travel to spend time with their family and loved ones; and of
course there are the gifts. Most of us
can remember the excitement of waking up on Christmas as children and rushing
out to see what was brought for us by Santa Clause. My favorite part was always going through my
Christmas stocking and seeing all the tiny treasures placed inside, while my
younger siblings could never wait to start unwrapping the presents. All of these are a part of the traditions
surrounding the holiday season, especially Christmas, but has it all gotten out
of hand? In America consumerism is big
and it shows in how we celebrate our holidays.
Over the last thirty years the way we select and give gifts has changed,
and not for the better. In her essay “A
Green Alternative to Consumerism” Sian Berry writes “Christmas, like the
average wedding, is becoming more elaborate each year. What started out as a
simple trip to church and a big meal now lasts about nine weeks and involves
buying more and more every year” (2008).
The joy and value people get from gift-giving and receiving has become
degraded because of the excess, and there are economic and ecological
consequences.
In the popular T.V. show “Big Bang
Theory” the character Sheldon Cooper sums up the custom of giving gifts:
“The entire institution of gift
giving makes no sense. Let's say that I go out, and I spend 50 dollars on you,
it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, where as
you know what you need. Now I could simplify things, just give you the 50
dollars directly, and you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday, and so on,
until one of us dies, leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I
ask, is it worth it?” (Parsons, 2008).
Of course Sheldon isn’t taking into
consideration the emotional component of gifting. For me watching someone open a present I picked
out for them is very rewarding and the more time I spent selecting the gift and
the more surprised they are, the better the feeling is.
When it comes to the topic of
gift-giving, most of us will readily agree than we enjoy giving and receiving
gifts from friends and loved ones. Where
this agreement usually ends, however, is on the question of how much is too
much to give. Whereas some are convinced
that bigger is always better, others maintain that simplicity is key and
meaning is more important than cost. However
even when we do get that perfect gift for someone, it turns out that they do
not place a value on it that is equivalent to what was paid for the item. In the article “Commerce Clause”, Lowenstein
said that in 2009 the average value of a gift as perceived by the receiver was
being worth only about eighty-percent of the value spent on it by the giver,
meaning that twenty-percent of the value was destroyed in the process of
gifting (2012).
In the discussion of holiday
gift-giving, one controversial issue has been the use of gift cards in the
place actual gifts. On the one hand,
retailers argue that gift cards are the perfect solution for that hard to buy
for person, and sometimes they even offer an incentive for the giver. Applebee’s restaurant for instance runs a
promotion during the holidays; buy fifty dollars’ worth of gift cards and get
an additional ten dollars to give or use.
Gift cards can be very beneficial for the retailers because about
twenty-percent of gift cards are never redeemed by the recipients creating a
hassle-free profit for the retailer (Lowenstien, 2012). On the other hand, many people contend that
they are impersonal; others even maintain that they are worse than just giving
cash. My own view is that if you don't
know someone well enough to give them a well thought out gift, you should turn
to a homemade gift or an experience where you spend time with them, than just
handing over a gift card in an envelope.
For instance, this year instead of purchasing gifts for my brothers-in-law,
I will help plan a trip for them and my husband to take in the spring. This will be far better than just handing
over a gift card in an envelope, because they will get a chance to spend time
together like they did when they were kids, and give my husband a chance to
learn more about what they like now as adults.
Another less controversial issue is
the wish list or gift registry. In the
age of technology it has become commonplace for people to exchange wish lists
online. While this makes finding a gift
that you know the person wants easier, it takes a personal element away from
the process. Amazon.com is one of the
best known sites for creating wish lists.
In my family it has become custom to share your wish list with everyone
else for birthdays and Christmas. This
is not a trend that I enjoy as it takes all the fun and surprise out of opening
gifts. It also makes me feel that I am
not as close to my family as I used to be as I struggle each birthday and in
December to pick out gifts without using the lists. I often find myself purchasing something off
at least one of the lists at the last minute, usually for my mother. I regret it each year as I wish I could
surprise her with something wonderful, unique, and unexpected.
Think about how exciting it is when
you do get someone that perfect gift, something you know they will absolutely
love, but that they didn’t ask for. When
I find something like that the anticipation of giving them the gift is almost
overwhelming, it makes the holiday exciting and I just can’t wait to give it to
them. In another episode of “The Big
Bang Theory” Sheldon is stunned by a gift that is given to him by Penny; a
napkin that has been signed by Leonard Nimoy, one of Sheldon’s heroes. Even though it didn’t cost her anything, it
was the most amazing gift that Penny could have given Sheldon. The best moment is when they open the gift,
and you see their eyes light up with delight.
When Sheldon opens the box that penny has given him and see’s what is
inside his expression is one of pure joy.
He is so overwhelmed that he reciprocates by giving her dozens of bath
gift-baskets, but decides even that is not enough, and in a rare display of
appreciation and affection he gives Penny a hug. That is the way gift-giving should be; an
experience full of excitement and love (Parsons, 2009).
The quest to find the perfect gift
can get out of hand, especially when it comes to children and the years must
have toy. In 1983 a women’s leg was
“broken in a fierce toy-store riot over Cabbage Patch Kids”, a doll that was
that years ‘It’ toy ("The X-mas files," 1996). Since then it seems like every year there has
been a must have toy. It has become a
yearly ritual for parents and grandparents brave early morning Black Friday
sales to obtain this prized toy for their kids and grandkids. There are never enough, creating an
artificial demand, and the fight to get them varies in its ferocity from year
to year. When I was twelve, the year’s
hot toy was the Furby, an electronic stuffed animal that looked like a fluffy
owl that talked and could open and close its mouth and eyes. Only a limited number were sent to our local
Wal-Mart for Black Friday, and if my parents hadn’t been informed by an
employee that the Furbys were going to be distributed in the pharmacy section
instead of the toys, they never would have been able to get one in time for
Christmas. All of this is for a toy that
the kids will most likely only be interested in for a short while, before
setting it aside to play with the box.
In his short article “Post-Elmo Stress Disorder”, Scott Feschunk shares
the experience he had when he purchased the year’s most exciting toy for his
two young sons;
“Roboraptor was a huge hit with my
two young boys -- right up until it wasn't, a process that took exactly 20
minutes and ended with my eldest son, James, handing me Roboraptor's control
pad and saying, "Here Daddy, you play with it." A week after I'd
bought it, Roboraptor sat ignored in the corner of their bedroom, underwear (not
mine) hanging from one ear” (2005).
This is just one example of how
even the most exciting toy can quickly become just another piece of clutter
that sits in the corner of a room gathering dust. When I think back over the Christmases of my
childhood, I only remember a few of the many gifts I received over the years. What I remember more are the experiences,
like when we went to a Christmas tree farm, picked out our own tree, and cut it
down. I remember taking a trip into town
each year to look at the light displays, it was always on a cold snowy day, and
my brothers and I would be bundled up in the back seat of my mom’s car. I fondly remember baking and decorating
cookies with my grandmother, mixing up bright colors of frosting, and picking
out a bunch of sprinkles and other candy decorations to put on the cookies as
we ate more of them than what went into the cookie jar.
Another modern holiday concern is
how wasteful it all is. Literally tons
of extra trash in the form of packaging is discarded during the holiday season
and ”over 250,000 trees' worth of wrapping paper” (Berry, 2008). The gifts themselves also create an enormous
amount of waste. Think about the generic
gift display that you’ll find in most department stores. It’s the one that stands in the middle of
some high traffic isle and holds a wide variety of knick-knacks. Things like money clips, golf accessories and
pen sets for men, and bath gift-baskets, foot massagers and candles for
women. These gifts often get purchased
at the last minute when you’ve run out of time and ideas and still have people
to cross off your Christmas list. In
addition to being impersonal and impractical, they are usually cheaply made,
and will break after only a moderate amount of usage, which means they end up
in the trash along with the wrapping paper and boxes.
The
economic loss, the stress of finding the perfect gift and concerns over the
ecological impact from the extra waste can turn even the most jovial holiday
reveler into a complete Scrooge, taking all the fun and joy out of the season. What should we do then to make the holidays
enjoyable again, and what can we do to reduce the effect that years of
commercialization has had on our traditions?
The
first place to start is with children.
It is very important for parents to teach children the value of giving
as opposed receiving. One way to do this
is to give children a budget that is appropriate for their age, for example
giving them $10 to spend on each person on their shopping list, and then allow
them to select and purchase gifts for other family members. In the book Redeeming the Season by Kim Weir and Pam McCune, they give the
following advice “Don’t discourage your kids for the gift that they want to
choose…let them make the decision so that the gift is really from them - even if you wind up with a blue coyote”
(2002). As a teenager I used to take my
two younger brothers and help them pick out gifts for our parents. They would be so excited, and by the time we
got the gifts home and wrapped they could barely contain themselves. It took all their willpower to keep the
secret of what they had selected until Christmas day, and as we would all
gather in the living room and starting opening gifts, they would pick up their
clumsily wrapped packages and run them over to our mother. She would smile as she opened them and was
always delighted by the gift, even if it was something silly like the year she
got a wooden tiger. By getting kids
involved at a young age and letting them independently pick out gifts, they
will gain an appreciation for giving gifts, and most kids naturally take a lot
of pleasure in seeing family members open a gift that they picked out.
The other thing to consider with children
and gifts is to remember not to go overboard.
Young children especially do not need a tower of presents on Christmas
morning. It creates unrealistic
expectations for future holidays and birthdays as well. It can be difficult especially if you have
grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relative who all want to give you
presents. It might help to encourage well-meaning relatives to only give one
gift and then to contribute to an educational fund for the child, or to donate
to a charity in their name, this will also help in teaching children the
importance of giving to others.
Setting and sticking to a spending
limit is one way to help curb the gluttony of gifts for both children and
family members. Setting a challenge or
theme for family members to follow each year can add interest and excitement,
while ensuring that people don’t go overboard.
A friend of mine told me that for many years she and her husband set a
five-dollar limit for gifts for one another, and required that they at least
find two things to give. You could also
challenge everyone to try and find their gifts exclusively at second hand stores
or local independently owned shops.
You’ll help support the local economy and you can almost guarantee
everyone will get creative and unique gifts.
Or rather than giving physical gifts, give experiences. As I mentioned earlier my husband is going to
plan a trip to take with his brothers instead of giving gifts this year. When my brothers and sister were younger I
used to take them out for a day trips instead of giving them birthday
gifts. I have wonderful memories of
taking them to see movies and out for dinners and they enjoyed having the one
on one time with me. Plan outings with
family members, or buy tickets to events that you know they would love to go
to. The memories I created with my
siblings are much more meaningful and have lasted much longer than any gifts of
toys or clothes they received throughout childhood.
Homemade gifts are a wonderful
solution for casual acquaintances, or that one person who already has
everything. Rather than getting them one
of those generic waste creating knick-knacks from the department stores, you
can make them a homemade treat or craft item.
In general making something from scratch costs less than buying it at a
retail store, and you get to control the quality of what you are giving, plus
receiving something that you put time and effort into makes the recipient feel
special, and you’ll feel good that you made it yourself. I like to give homemade sweets and drinks,
and some of the favorites that are requested year after year are pumpkin bread
muffins, hot cocoa mix made from scratch, and a coffee liquor that is so easy
to make but taste just as good if not better than the kind you get at the
store. One of the best parts about
giving an edible homemade gift is that you can make and give the same thing
every year, which really takes some of the stress out of the holiday
season. If you are not the crafty or
baking type, get together with a friend who is.
You can share the costs and even if you can’t help out with the
crafting, your friend will appreciate spending time with you. I had a friend who loved to decorate
Christmas cookies, but wasn’t too thrilled about the baking, so we divided the
tasks, had a blast doing it, and made up dozens of gift baskets to give away
several years in a row.
There are people who would argue
that the holiday season just wouldn’t be the same without the barrage of
gift-giving. I know a few people who
love absolutely everything about the season.
They are the ones singing “Jingle Bells” in October, the kind of people
who live to put up the tree and lights, and they get a thrill out of going and
participating in the dreaded Black Friday shopping mobs. While I agree with them that there is a
certain magic about the first time you plug the lights in, and in seeing all
the packages wrapped and carefully placed beneath the tree I also think it’s
important to be reasonable, keep a realistic budget, and not let the
celebrating overwhelm everyday life. In
her book Debt-Proof Your Christmas
Mary hunt writes about her feelings regarding the holiday season, gift-giving
and debt; “The trouble with Christmas is that we allow the
overcommercialization of the season to get the better of us. We get caught up in the man-made hype and
treat Christmas as a popularity contest or final examination rather than a time
of rest, reflection, and joy” (2007).
If
you’re one of those people who just adores Christmas, then this advice is for
you; look for Christmas presents year round.
I know that sounds a bit contradictory to the advice of not letting the
holidays become overwhelming, but it does work, and is something I have been
doing for several years now. If in your
normal everyday life you come across something that reminds you strongly of a
loved one it’s a good possibility that it might be a good gift for them. When I have one of those moments, and if the
item fits into my budget, I will purchase it, stash it away until it’s time for
the holidays, at which point I will wrap it up and give it to them usually with
a fun story about how I came to find the item while I was out shopping for
cookie ingredients.
Some would say that the holidays
are an important time for retail companies.
The dreaded Black Friday is so named because it is the day when many
stores start showing a profit, not just because it’s a day known for maiming
shoppers. In her article “A Little Give
and Take” Ann Patchett informs the reader that many retail businesses bring in
about one-fourth of their profit in the weeks between Thanksgiving and
Christmas (2012). She also gives her
perspective on the holidays from the view of a retail worker:
“All I can tell you is that when
you're the one selling Christmas presents, the world looks a lot different than
it does when you're the one buying them. Having spent so many years as a
harried and unhappy holiday shopper, I simply assumed my misery was shared by
the people on the other side of the checkout counter. In fact, I assumed it was
worse for them, because while I might be out in the morass for a couple of
hours, they had to stay in it for the entire day. But here's the big reveal:
When you're the person pushing the merchandise, Christmas is a weird sort of
fun” (2012).
This economic boost is important,
especially for small retailers, but so many people do go overboard, going into
debt to fund their holidays. Many major
corporate retailers and chain restaurants use this boost in activity to justify
staying open on Thanksgiving day and require employees to work extra hours,
keeping the people who need a break the most from being able to spend it with
their families and loved ones.
It isn't likely that the holiday
season will ever fully return to being a simple celebration, mainly focusing on
food and family, and having less to do with retail sales and the hot new
gadgets of the year, but with some consideration and effort, it could become a
little less extravagant and a little more meaningful. In the classic children’s story “How the
Grinch Stole Christmas!” the Grinch comes up with the solution:
“It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or
bags!” And he puzzled three hours, till
his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he
hadn’t before! “Maybe Christmas,” he
thought, “doesn’t come from a
store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a
little bit more!”
Every year I think about the Grinch
and how in the end he discovered what was truly important about the
holidays. If we can remember what is
important then we can take back our holiday season from big business. We can spend more time with friends and
family rather than walking aimlessly through stores. We can give creative and fun gifts out of
love not obligation instead of something purchased and wrapped last minute off
a store shelf. Finally we can take time
to value what we have, and not allow the overindulgence of the season to dull
our appreciate of each other.
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Chakrabarti, R., & Berthon, P. (2012). Gift giving and social
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